merely a memory
by A. Mouse
i think about love all the time.
it’s constantly on my mind.
the mere thought of someone wanting me,
choosing me,
loving me,
plagues me day and night.
there’s a sweetness to these thoughts,
a sort of adorable giddiness, that twirls through my head.
one that makes me turn tomato red just thinking about it,
one that makes me giggle and kick my feet while reading a book in bed.
it’s comforting for a time,
this friend of mine,
this flower that stays nestled against my temple,
singing sweet siren songs of love into my mind.
but after a while,
it hurts more than it helps,
the siren song doesn’t sound as sweet anymore,
it’s just a piercing reminder of what i don’t have.
and then the fear comes.
a small garden snake, turned python,
one that slithers around the crown of my head, slimy and scaly,
it enters unwarranted,
and it nestles inside my skull,
leaving its shedded skin on the floor.
and it bites, oh how it bites, whenever a sugary thought begins to bud,
it senses the thrill and snuffs it out, turning every thought sour,
making me believe i’m not worthy enough,
and it’s so loud, and so strong, i can’t hear anything other than it,
so i let it ruin me.
and i eventually stop trying,
stop trying to kill it,
stop trying to fight it,
stop thinking of love,
stop dreaming of it,
stop waiting for it,
stop wanting for it,
stop.
stop.
stop.
stop it.
it won't happen for you.
it never will.
get over it.
toughen up.
you’re all you’ve got.
so suck it up.
give up.
forget that love even exists.
it’s merely a memory now.
About the Author:
Fueled by a longing for love and a splash of madness, A. Mouse write works that are merely whispers – just quiet enough for those willing to listen.
